GUILD WARS 2: SECRETS OF FUTURE UPDATES

Arena Net is excited to bring you the next thrilling chapter of the Guild Wars 2 franchise! Guild Wars 2: Secrets of Future Updates. At Arena Net, we pride ourselves in providing the bare minimum in communication with our players and community partners. We will keep important information hidden from the public for as long as possible because we don’t want to be blamed for spending large amounts of time, resources, or both on features that fall completely flat.

Here at Arena Net, we are under pressure from our parent company, NCSoft, to generate money. That’s why we've decided to announce the rushed release of Guild Wars 2: Secrets of Future Updates. Our development team is clearly not ready to implement any of the game changing features of this expansion and we are waiting to release these on “later releases” and “future dates”. We disrespect our players and community partners by making empty promises about game features that we can keep moving the goal post for. The future can mean anything! Tomorrow, next week, next month, next year, or even the next expansion! If we don’t set dates, you can’t hold us accountable. And don’t even think about complaining! We have scores of dedicated fans who want nothing more than to hope and believe that their time has not been wasted by a company that clearly does not care about them. They will ridicule and berate anyone who has the nerve to question our developmental decisions. Much like an abusive relationship we will keep gaslighting our most dedicated fans!

All we did was remove code that prevented players from using profession locked weapons.

Asset placement is fun! 

We broke your armor and build functionality. We won't make you whole again until a “later date” 😉. Also, you’ll have to do something to regain functionality that you have today! FUN!

We don’t know how this will actually work and are scrambling to figure it out. Runes were apparently important to players and we didn’t know that, so we don’t have answers for you. Please hold as we “translate” our responses to other languages in a bid to buy ourselves more time to think about this.

A story character that was mean to others for no reason and who was dropped off the face of the planet for no real story reason is being brought back. Also, Felicia Day!

We couldn’t think of anything else to give players that affected movement so we are reusing Path of Fire ideas!

- New Class Weapons! ¹

- Story continuation! ²

- Legendary Open World Armor Sets! ³

- Class balancing! ⁴

- Quarterly releases! ⁵

Here at Arena Net we pride ourselves in providing such poor communication that speculation and rumor run rampant. While frustrating for our community, it provides us with endless ideas for future content. We ask our community to keep things simple and not require much change to the coding process. Best we can do is copy/paste/delete, so make sure that it’s only moving things from one screen to the other. I mean, look at Alliances, that thing was announced 5 years ago as we still can’t get it to work.

If you are excited for this announcement, please join us over on the official Guild Wars 2 forums and speculate endlessly with your fellow players. Feel like we have slighted you or not provided enough information? Head over to Reddit and complain. But beware, either way you’ll be berated and downvoted into oblivion unless you cheer for mediocrity.

Thank you from the Guild Wars 2: Secrets of Future Updates development team!

Please don't shut us down NCSoft.